


They Wouldn't Have it Any Other Way

by Donteatthefootcream



Series: Nygmobblepot Week 2019 [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bisexual Edward Nygma, Bruce actually has a good time, Day One: Rogue's Galllery, Ed and Harley are ridiculous, Ed is obsessed with Bruce Wayne, Engagement parties, F/F, F/M, Future Fic, Gay Oswald Cobblepot, Iceberg Lounge, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Kissing, M/M, Marriage, Martin is the Rogue's Favorite, Murder Husbands, Nygmobblepot Week 2019, People party crash, Swearing, Tooth Rotting Fluff, Triple Date, and Batman, innuendos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-14 17:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18056819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donteatthefootcream/pseuds/Donteatthefootcream
Summary: Selina and Bruce are finally married, so Oswald and Ed throw an engagement dinner for their dear friend Selina. Ivy and Harley are invited as well. Bruce ends up having a decent time, even though he's surrounded by the Rogue's Gallery and Ed's obsessive behavior.





	They Wouldn't Have it Any Other Way

**Author's Note:**

> There are mentions to Gotham canon and its characters, but it's mostly just Batman: All Media Types due to Ed's behavior towards Bruce and how I stuck with Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn's original names. In Gotham, it would be weird to have Ed lowkey crush on Bruce Wayne/Batman.

Oswald isn’t sure what encouraged him to say yes to this plan; agree to hold a triple date for Selina’s engagement with Ivy, Harley and Bruce Wayne attending. The mere  _ fact  _ that Selina Kyle, infamous for being Catwoman, is dating Bruce Wayne astonishes him. It’s simply another crazy, unexplainable event that goes on in this city. 

 

“You will look dashing as always,” Ed compliments, helping Oswald put on his jacket from behind. 

 

“I’m aware, love,” Oswald replies, smiling at the faint kiss planted on his cheek. 

 

Yes, Oswald Cobblepot has grown insecure in his body, but he  _ knows  _ his fashion sense makes up for the physical features. The past ten years, he’s gained enough weight to go up three suit sizes, his limp has worsened, his eyesight in one eye is shot, and his hair hardly wants to participate these days. But, Ed,  _ his Ed,  _ hasn’t left his side. These fifteen years since their huge falling out have proved to Oswald that his mother was right; you do only get one _true_ love. 

 

Ed rests his chin on Oswald’s shoulder, grinning at him through the mirror. “I’m so excited to see Bruce Wayne. I think he still holds a grudge for when I broke in and got all the way to the roof.”

 

Oswald turns to him, smiling. Ed will never get tired of the look, how in love Oswald is with him. How it’s as if Ed hung the Sun in the sky. How could he not have had let himself have this sooner? 

 

“An accomplishment I’m proud of,” Oswald praises. He straightens Ed’s suit, admiring the perfect fit of Ed’s lean torso. “Who else is coming tonight, again? I truthfully had my mind on other things when you told me we were going.”

 

“Selina is with Bruce, weird, but there’s been worse.” Oswald nods with an amused huff, “And Harley with Ivy.”

 

“That will be a fair treat.”

 

Ed laughs. “Can I just say how  _ happy  _ I am for Harley to have left? I’m so glad she came to her senses and got out of that relationship. It’s hard to do, Oswald.”

 

“She’s loud and off the walls, but you’re right. It’s an incredible achievement.”

 

He cups his face, partially pinching it. “You secretly love her. Don’t deny it!” He presses a kiss to Oswald’s lips, fast and over sooner than preferred. 

 

Oswald manages to release himself from Ed’s grip and rolls his eyes. Ed catches up with him, grabbing an umbrella from the stand just in case. You can never be too safe. He grabs Oswald’s hand, swiftly intertwining their fingers. Oswald doesn’t complain, he never does.

  
  


The Iceberg Lounge holds many special memories for Ed. The time he almost died for Oswald. Oswald’s proposal. Their wedding reception. Martin’s return to Gotham. This place is very dear to him. He helped build these walls over and over with the memories holding them together.  _ Their memories.  _

 

He can remember the wedding like it was yesterday. The arch outside in the Van Dahl Mansion’s large, beautiful backyard dedicated for only them. The suit Oswald wore, the purple tie Ed’s been a fan of forever, his styled hair hidden by his classy top hat, and how his eyes shined in the light including his crippled one. 

 

In summary, Oswald was magnificent. And, his vows were unbeatable. Ed had a good cry during them, he’ll admit. 

 

The reception he remembers up until the last detail. Not even alcohol can ruin his memory. All the Rogue’s were there, bringing gifts, eating until they almost imploded, drinking enough for alcohol to replace the blood in their veins. The night was fun, memorable, and a time he’ll look back to and smile. It was a start of the new chapter in Ed’s life.  _ Married to Oswald C. Cobblepot.  _ It’s a dream. 

 

“Your staff did know about  _ your  _ reservation, correct?” Ed asks, standing next to Oswald at the bar. They’re waiting for their table.

 

“Yes they did know. I’m  _ firing  _ anyone who messed this up,” Oswald snaps, fumming. 

 

Ed waves for the bartender who drops everything to assist him. “Bring me a nice bottle of wine. My beloved, or  _ your  _ boss, is being held up.”

 

The bartender moves briskly, finding one of the best bottles and bringing it over. Free of charge, obviously. Ed pours a hefty glass of wine and passes it to Oswald. He takes it with a forced smile. This was  _ not  _ a good start to the evening. 

 

“The bartender is reliable,” Ed mentions. 

 

Oswald looks back and soon nods. “Yes, he is. He’s above average when it comes to making drinks and getting them to you in a reasonable fashion.”

 

A young woman scampers over, hands up in a sign of peace. “Mr. Penguin, I have fixed the problem-”

 

“Is it a private room? We are having…  _ popular  _ people visiting tonight.”

 

“Yes, of course, sir. Let me take you.”

 

Ed and Oswald follow her, Ed pressed against Oswald’s side. He likes the ability to express their relationship to everyone. In the beginning, he got backlash for their relationship. Not the sexuality part.  _ Never in Gotham.  _  It was due to how he, The Riddler, the charming, intelligent, and attractive criminal mastermind would chose Oswald, a unique form of beauty that little people see. He would be lying if he didn’t kill some of them. 

 

Ed places the wine bottle in the center of table before sitting down to Oswald, an immediate arm wrapped around his own waist. Oswald doesn’t pay attention to Ed’s smile of the way he moves impossibly closer to him. 

 

“Just as a reminder, we are expecting Pamela Isley, Harley Quinn, Bruce Wayne, and Selina Kyle tonight,” Oswald tells her, hiding his annoyance with melodramatic patience. 

 

“Certainly. Sorry for the delay, sir, once again,” She replies.

 

She manages to reach the exit in time to miss Oswald’s snarky comments and complaints of how this should’ve been handled far better than it was. 

 

“Did we ever have an engagement party?” Ed inquires. 

 

“Are you talking about later that evening at home or when Joker jumped out of cake?” Oswald responds. 

 

“I’m going to take that as a no then.”

 

“Did you want one?” 

 

There it is. The soft, loving look that seems permanent when they’re alone together. No longer is Oswald mad about the seating. Ed kisses Oswald’s forehead, smiling. “No, I didn’t need or want one. You ravished me enough already with the proposal.”

 

“Are-”

 

“Penguin!” A shrill voice cheers, a scoff of amusement from the woman behind her.

 

“Hello, Harley. Ivy.”

 

Harley has cleaned up, his messy makeup of blue and red washed off to be replaced with nicely done colors. Her dress red and fitting, matching her lipstick. And then there’s Pamela at her side, green makeup done to perfection, a nice green blouse with casual brown pants, and hair put up with green ivy. 

 

As a greeting, Harley kisses Ed’s cheek firmly most likely leaving behind some lipstick. Ed doesn’t bother to wipe it off. She decides to sit next to Ed at the large round table, Ivy following suit to be spot next to her. 

 

A waitress comes into the room next, waiting for everyone to be settled prior to asking for drink orders. Harley orders a cranberry mojito and Ivy orders a green apple cocktail. Ed repeatedly keeps looking at the privacy door, anxiously waiting for Bruce Wayne. Oswald wants to kick him under the table. 

 

“I’m fine with the wine for now,” Oswald answers. “And, this one here will have his disgusting Grasshopper.”

 

The waitress grins, “I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

 

“Cat hasn’t showed up yet I’m assuming?” Ivy guesses.

 

“You are correct!” Ed confirms, “However, she is with Bruce Wayne the most famous person in this city. They might just be held up.”

 

Harley stifles laughter, “Yeah,  _ held up _ .”

 

Ivy playfully hits her arm under the table as Ed laughs at Oswald shaking his head in his palm. Ed pushes into Oswald’s space, head put on top of his shoulder. He feels Oswald lift his face, giving a soft kiss on his head. 

 

“Aww you two are so cute,” Harley coos. 

 

“I’ve been around them longer than you have, Harls,” Ivy says, “They’ve been this cute for almost twenty years, before they were even dating.”

 

“You’ve been together for almost two  _ decades _ ?” Harley exclaims. “How do you do it?”

 

Ed hums. “Because we’re in love, Harley,” Ed answers. 

 

“Oh how I love these moments,” Selina sighs walking into the room, Bruce right behind. “No backstabbing each other or fighting. Just  _people_ with similar hobbies getting together.”

 

Oswald stands up to shake Selina’s hand. “Once again, congratulations on the engagement. From personal experience, you will not regret it,” Oswald tells her, glancing at Ed fondly. 

 

“If I have to look at the two of you-” She points a finger at the husbands, “-stare lovingly all night at one another I might have to throw up.”

 

“Oh, you are  _ no  _ fun, Selina! Let them be gay and in love!” Harley exclaims. 

 

Oswald ignores her, offering a hand to Bruce. “Welcome, Mr. Wayne. As always, a pleasure,” He welcomes. 

 

Ed smiles at Oswald. He’s so good at this. A brilliant businessman. What part of Oswald isn’t admirable? Oswald sits down again, Ed snuggling in like prior. Bruce chooses to sit nearest to Oswald with Selina by Pamela. Ed takes note of how uncomfortable Bruce is, his posture and the way he sips from the default drink on the table, water. 

 

“Thanks to you, Mr. Nygma I’ve had to order a brand new security system,” Bruce tells Ed, sounding more teasing than mad. 

 

“A new challenge. I suppose I’ll have to crack that one too,” Ed replies, smirking. 

 

“Eddie, let’s  _ not _ find new ways to be placed in Arkham,” Oswald pleads with a smile, trying to pass off a joke, rubbing a hand down Ed’s arm in soothing. 

 

The waitress returns, handing Pamela and Harley their drinks. Ed grabs his drink from her hand, Oswald looking at with disgust. He doesn’t comprehend how Ed can drink those and be  _ happy  _ about it. 

 

Selina orders a gin tonic, a respectful choice and Bruce merely orders a larger glass of water and a small bit of whiskey. Why couldn't Oswald's partner order drinks like that?

 

Ed somehow finds a way to pipe up conversation with Bruce Wayne midst the women of the room discussing the wedding, the dress, and her ring that most likely cost more than a residential house in the city. Not like Oswald is judging the price, the ring for Ed was outrageously expensive, but Ed  _ only  _ receives the best. 

 

“So, Mr. Penguin are you planning on attending the charity ball event for the children’s hospital next month?” Bruce asks. 

 

“I’ve given a great sum of money to the cause, Mr. Wayne.  _ Of course  _ I’m coming,” Oswald replies. 

 

“And, I’m his plus one!” Ed brags, finding it appropriate to point that out. 

 

“I wouldn’t have expected anyone else,” Bruce says, a charming smile placed on his lips. 

 

“However, I’ve been considering buying an extra ticket to bring along Martin. I did donate because of him. Martin being our son and all,” Oswald states. 

 

“Smart idea, Ossie. I approve,” Ed agrees, smiling at him. 

 

“Is he back in town then?” Pamela questions. 

 

“Oh no,” Ed responds, fidgeting with his napkin, “We’ll be back in time for the charity event fortunately. Back for Spring Break.”

 

“Throw him a ‘welcome back’ party. We miss that kid.”

 

“Certainly. We’ll keep in touch.”

 

Martin Cobblepot-Nygma is a favorite in the Rogue’s Gallery. His wit and intelligence all expressed by sign language he learned while he was away. He returned to Gotham at the age of 15. Gotham was settling down in ambitions to overthrow Oswald, and with Ed by his side  _ nothing  _ was going to harm their kid. Thankfully, their hopes came true and the only problem that’s ever happened with Martin is an incident in the hallways at school. 

 

Martin is more like Oswald with his ambition, cunning, and power to deceive and manipulate others. He’s a miniature, not so miniature now towering over Oswald and one inch over Ed, version of Oswald and his curly brown hair and brown eyes go hand in hand with Ed. He was perfect and they didn’t even produce him. 

 

Dinner went smoothly for the most part. The overall problem was the elephant in the room: Bruce Wayne not being a criminal. Yet, he seems natural with it. Almost as if he knows everyone in the room. It’s rather unsettling. 

 

“Do you have locations selected because I’m sure I can come with one of you two to look,” Ed mentions, “I had this entire book planned out since I was in middle school, as you do, with the months, guests, outfits, the venue. I ended up not having my wedding in my  _ dream  _ venue, but that’s okay. It was everything I could’ve hoped for-” 

 

The rambling continues, Selina stares at him, glaring at him in disbelief; Bruce hiding a laughter under his hand. Oswald looks at Ivy for help to only receive a shrug. Even though he’s the man’s husband and should be able to stop him on command, he’s never had to; he finds Ed’s ramblings endearing. Or, if he’s having a bad day and can’t handle Ed at the time, he’s adapted to make the non-stop talking into a white noise. 

 

Oswald pours a glass of wine for Ed, passing it to him. Ed hardly looks at it and says, “Thank you, Ossie,” and continues with weddings and invitations and guests and honeymoons. He forgets the glass now sitting on the table, not touched. 

 

Ivy suddenly rolls her eyes and throws a roll at Ed, “He’s taken and so are you, Edward. Shut up!”

 

Ed freezes mid-sentence and hands in the air. Oswald sighs, worried mostly, and puts the glass in Ed’s hand again. This finally brings Ed back to reality and he looks at Oswald. 

 

“I love you,” Ed tells him. Most times Oswald would smile, but he’s not feeling it today. There’s something going on, he can feel it. 

 

“I know, Ed. I love you too,” Oswald replies, squeezing Ed’s thigh. 

 

He takes a large sip of his wine. “I have to admit something.”

 

_ Oh God.  _ “What did you do?”

 

“I knew this was whole thing was going to be weird and incredibly boring so I-”

 

Ed jumps at the unexpected noise of the door being slammed open. And, then the room is full of colorful confetti getting in their drinks, food, and all over their clothes. There’s cackling laughter that's notorious, a sound the Rogue’s find irritating and a sound the citizens find terrifying. 

 

_ Joker.  _

 

“JESUS CHRIST, ED?!” Ivy screams at him. 

 

Ed’s laughing, supporting himself with Oswald’s arm. Harley is giggling with Ed, Ivy is glaring at Joker(planning his demise no doubt), Selina looking as if she’d rather be anywhere else while picking the confetti off of her black lacy dress, and Bruce seems to be holding back a whole ton of emotions. Oswald is seriously considering getting up and leaving. He didn’t sign up for  _ this.  _

 

“Congratulations, Selina,” Joker congratulates, crouching down next to Selina. He’s ignored. “I’m sort of offended that I wasn’t invited.”

 

“You weren’t invited because you’re a  _ complete  _ asshole,  _ Joker _ ,” Selina snaps. 

 

All he does is laugh. 

 

He leaves a few minutes after the threats of slow, painful deaths from all the women, and Bruce becoming suddenly protective. Yet, before he's fully out the door, he reminds Ed that he owes him and takes his confetti cannon with the promise to raid Oswald’s dock shipments next week. 

 

“This is why your only _real_ ally is your husband, Ed!” Selina shouts, pointing at him. 

 

“I’ll accept that,” Ed replies sharply, “I love my husband.” 

 

She rolls her eyes, giving out her hand to Bruce. She practically drags him out, giving him just enough time to say thanks for dinner. Ivy runs her hand through Harley’s hair and gathers her things. 

 

“That’s our cue to leave,” Ivy announces. 

 

Although Harley groans, she stands up as well, wrapping herself around Ivy’s arm. 

 

“Thanks for everything, Oswald,” Ivy thanks. She points at Ed, “You however, can piss off. I hate you!”

 

The two of them wait for them to leave to begin laughing. Ed falling into Oswald’s lap, his hair falling in his face. Instinctively, Oswald pushes his hair away from his eyes, smiling down at him. 

 

“We all say we hate each other but-” Ed wheezes. 

 

“-they’ll be back in two days,” Oswald finishes. 

 

And, they are. Next week, Joker will be up on stage with a drunken Ed singing karaoke. Ivy, Selina, Harley, and Bridgit will be drinking and coming up with different laws to break for the week. And, Oswald? He’ll be sitting at his reserved table like always, watching Ed make a fool of himself only to come back to him in search of a makeout session or a cuddle. This is how the group functions, and they wouldn’t have it any other way. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for the support! I'm looking forward to the rest of Nygmobblepot Week 2019!


End file.
